The Only Constant

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Tomorrow is the first day that ALL six of my children will be at school. I'm not sure I think or how I feel about this. In the first place I feel so many seemingly conflicting things.

On the one hand I am excited. I'm excited for them and the opportunities that a new year can bring. My one shy child will start kindergarten. Maybe, just maybe, he'll decide to talk to his teacher before the year is out. He had the same teacher when he was in nursery and then as a Sunbeam in Primary. It was about two years before he would talk to her. About the time he decided he would talk to her, the class got a new teacher. He didn't want to go anymore. He does not like change. The oldest has a fairly heavy schedule. It will definitely be a challenging year for him. I'm encouraged after meeting their teachers. I think it will be a good year.

For myself, I'm looking forward to some alone time. Quiet time. Although I don't know how quiet it will be. I have quite a bit of work planned. I'm working on dresses for a wedding that happens in the middle of October. I have projects that I haven't gotten to finish. I've got Christmas projects. Seminary lessons to prepare. Garden and outdoor ideas that I've wanted to work on. I think I'll be busy enough.

On the other hand, I will miss my kids. When we were homeschooling I thought we would always homeschool. I thought I would have more time with them. I like the people that my children are becoming. I like the diversity of their personalities. I like watching them. I suspect there will be times that I miss the chaos. Well, maybe not too much.

I will worry about them. I will worry that I haven't done enough or that I haven't adequately prepared them for the day or for life. Will they miss me? Will my kindergarten boy cry? How will my middle son navigate middle school? How will the oldest two navigate high school and junior high? For the most part I believe that they can handle themselves. Mostly I think they will be fine. However, there is always that one tiny bit that can't quite let go of the fact that these are my babies. These are the once little ones that I held and loved and cared for. Not that I don't still love and care for them. That doesn't go away but the nature of the caring changes and the love deepens. Love means there comes a point when you turn your children loose on the world and hope for the best.

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the Monzingo clan. Tomorrow is the first day in a long time that I will be on my own. Soon enough my tomorrow will include saying a good-bye as my oldest and then the next one and so on leave for missions and college and life. I don't know what will happen then. It will be a constant flow of change. I don't know how I will react. I hope gracefully. I think we all of us will be OK. Well. Mostly.

Hope Springs Eternal

As I walked past my little garden this morning, I noticed a large, beautiful bloom on the squash. It filled me with such joy. I am admittedly not the best gardener in the world. Plants come here to die. One of my problems is that I am overly ambitious. I have a grand design in my head. I try to do more than I can and it all dies. Although enough of them live that I keep trying. Eventually, something will thrive. Eventually, I will have the garden paradise that I dream about. Eventually.

It is understandable then how my hope soars when I see a bloom on my garden plants. Something is going to grow. Something will live. It is wonderful and miraculous. Not only is the squash growing, but the tomatoes are looking healthy. Tasty tomatoes fresh from the garden. My mouth is watering in anticipation. Please, please, please don't die.

Do you know how many synonyms there are for 'hope'? Each one conveys a different message. Utopia, pipe dream, achievement, expectation, faith. These are just a few. Those who know my gardening disability may say that my dream of a garden paradise is a fool's fancy. But I tend to look at it with optimism. It is an aspiration.

Hope can be devastating. But only when it seems unfulfilled. Maybe hope is not to blame, but our impatience for the desired outcome. I reflect on a conference talk by Henry B. Eyring. He reminded us that the Lord's time is not our time.

"Although His time is not our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises."

I hold on to that when I feel anxious over the smaller things, like success in my garden or larger things, like when is Kermit going to finally get enough work. Most importantly, I realize that the Lord is eager to bless us. Those blessings just don't always come in the way or the time that we expect. I do have hope for the future. I know that everything will be OK in the present. In the meantime, I'll just keep watering and weeding.

Bluebonnets, Monkeys and Ambien, Oh My!

My mother has been visiting. We've been looking forward to this for quit some time. Now she is here. I had forgotten that she was going to be bringing a few of Gramma's things. When she arrived she was enthusiastically greeted by the children and the dogs. Sarah ran inside to report after she saw all that was loaded into the vehicle.

"Mommy! Franny is moving in. She brought her furniture!"

In reality she only brought three pieces: a small sewing table, a vanity and a jewelry cabinet. I supposed that could look like a lot to a 7-year-old. I've found just the right spot for the jewelry cabinet. I'm fairly certain I know where the sewing table will go. The vanity table is creating more problems. Of course, all the girls want it. It's just been hanging out in the living room the past couple of days. Sarah and Elizabeth both spend time primping. Sarah might spend just a little bit more time. I don't know where it is going to go, but I better figure it out soon or there is going to be some contention.

We spent most of Saturday at the Ft. Worth Zoo. The younger two had never been to the zoo. This, of course, is a check in my 'bad mom' column. I have no idea how it is that I've never taken those two little ones to the zoo. Everyone of the kids had an idea of what they wanted to see right then, right now. This meant that we had about six different opinions on which way to go and no one was going to be happy until we got to their desired spot. This also means that we did a considerable amount of criss-crossing. (Is that a word?) I'm not sure how far we actually walked but it felt like about 50 million miles. I was so tired. Everybody was tired. And slightly cranky. Not TOO cranky. We did after all have a fun day at the zoo. It was a good tired.

After watching the animals all day we got to watch my mother after taking Ambien. I've heard stories about how people act after Ambien. She's very lucid. She doesn't say anything crazy. But she does eat. And eat. And eat. It certainly explains her smaller appetite during the day.

This evening we spent some time finding just the right patch of bluebonnets for pictures. It hasn't been a banner year for bluebonnets, but we were able to find a fairly nice spot. Poor Kermit was not too excited. He never is about pictures. I so appreciate that he puts up with the hoopla. It is important to get family pictures.The kids are not always cooperative, but this time they did well. It may have been the novelty of crawling through a barbed wire fence to take pictures. They felt sneaky. I felt sneaky. I kept expecting to get kicked out or surprised by a cow.

Tomorrow she leaves for her home in Arkansas. The weekend has been too short. Living a state away from family I realize now how very lucky my siblings and I were to have grandparents that were close by. I spent a lot of time at my gramma's house. It was one of my favorite things. She was one of my favorite people. I miss that for my kids. That day to day interaction. I thought just about everything my gramma did was special and wonderful. Although the relationship is different, I think my kids feel the same way about their grandparents. There is always an abundance of enthusiasm when any of them visit.

Van-0, Tree-1

I crashed the van Wednesday night. Missed a curve, went off the road, and into a tree. The three oldest and one friend were with me. We were taking the friend home. It was frightening. I've spent the past few days trying to figure out exactly what happened. This I do know, without divine intervention, we would have flipped over. I felt the van flipping over and then being righted. When Kermit asked Hannah what happened, she said we went off the road. It was very bumpy. There was a lot of white light and then we hit the tree.

All of the injuries were minor. Daniel wasn't hurt at all. Right after we hit, he jumped up and started checking on everyone. Our friend bit through his lip. Joseph's shoulder was sore where his seat belt was. Hannah's back and left shoulder were sore and she has a sprained ankle. I was sore all over. My back, neck and shoulder still hurt. The next day my wrists and upper arms were hurting. I didn't expect that.

I'm still uncertain what happened. I know that very sharp curve is there. I always slow down. That night I didn't see it. I can't even remember the stretch of road right before it. By the time I saw the curve it was too late. I slammed on the brakes and we dropped off the road. The incline is fairly steep. There is some distance from the road to the actual tree that I became acquainted with. However, the grass was very tall and made it impossible to slow down. I tried so hard to stop. I just couldn't.

Many have told me how lucky we were. The van stayed upright. The injuries were not serious. I know that. I know the angels kept watch over us. But still, I can wish that we hadn't gone off the road at all.

But we did. And since then, I've seen more goodness from people. I'm grateful to my friends and neighbors that came out to the crash site and later to the ER. I didn't know I was scared until I saw Lisa Leach and she just held me while I broke down. I'm grateful to the x-ray tech that stood in with Kermit and Brother Leach when they administered a blessing to our friend. I'm grateful to those who have brought meals to us and to Laura Rhein who cleaned my house. I'm grateful for Tammy Martin who went out of her way to pick up Daniel from school and get him to Youth Conference. I'm grateful for those who have called to check on us. I'm grateful for those who have come by to see us. I'm grateful that my father-in-law and his son are worthy priesthood holders.

Thank you, Lord, for protecting us during a crisis and for sending so many to help us recover. That is something to smile about.

Long Time, No See

Hello, blog. Haven't been here in awhile. In a very looong while. Sorry about that. You see, you are called "Laughing Monzingos" and I just couldn't find anything to laugh about. Life has been more challenging of late. All I could see were the problems and none of the joys. Really, that is where I was wrong.

It is precisely when we have great challenges that we should look for the bright spots. Actually, those challenges can be the bright spots. It's hard to see when you are in the middle of it. It's hard to be at peace. The temptation to say "WHY ME?" is great. Perhaps the answer to that universal question is, "Why NOT me?'

Trials in life make us look at paths we may not have considered before. They make us grow and stretch. Even though we don't want it. And most times when you are in the middle of your trials, you REALLY don't want it.

Maybe I needed to learn more patience or compassion. Maybe I needed to consider my talents in a new way. I don't know. But I do know that our family has been incredibly blessed. Somehow, we've managed to get by. I've seen remarkable examples of service from friends and family. I can even say that we've had some miracles. So, maybe while it wasn't laugh out loud funny. I do have plenty to smile about.

Hot

It is hot. Very, very hot. Hotter than I ever remember. This really has been the worst summer ever. Texas is in an "exceptional drought". Triple digit temps for a month and no rain for longer. This week is a heat advisory. A heat advisory for almost the entire week. I can tolerate heat, but this is ridiculous.

Our mower was out of commission for a many months. The Calvins came over and helped us fix it two weeks ago. Hannah was out every day mowing. She was so excited to mow. I was excited for her to mow. Until I saw the brown that was lurking at the bottom of the green. All was seemingly still green. I didn't realize that everything had dried up at the bottom of the jungle. There are huge cracks in the ground. My fruit trees are dying. My garden is small and so I've managed to keep it somewhat alive.

Summertime is when we should be outside the most. The weather is so miserable that none of us can stand to be out.

Birthday Doughnuts

We made doughnuts for Joseph's birthday. This is the first time I've tried this. I found a recipe at allrecipes.com. (Love that place).

I used a biscuit cutter to cut them out. I did't have a round one small enough for the holes. I did however have a diamond shape cookie cutter. We didn't have doughnut holes, we had doughnut diamonds. Popped them into a vat of hot oil and sprinkled with powdered sugar. I used to have this wonderful little sifter/shaker thing from Pampered Chef that I used for powedered sugar. One of my children destroyed it. Actually, I think it was Joe. I was about to wish I had another, but maybe it is appropriate that the destroyer of the powdered sugar shaker did not benefit from it.

The boys and I liked the doughnuts. The girls said that they were too crispy. The crispy outside was my favorite part. Crispy outside and nice fluffy, almost creamy, insides. Yum.

This is my second attempt at this post. The first time I wrote a beautiful and eloquent piece on the the birthday boy's first day. Let's just pretend that I rewrote it. I'm sure I'll feel nostalgic on his next birthday. I always do.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, wonderful, kind-hearted, wild boy. Momma loves you.