Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Only Constant

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Tomorrow is the first day that ALL six of my children will be at school. I'm not sure I think or how I feel about this. In the first place I feel so many seemingly conflicting things.

On the one hand I am excited. I'm excited for them and the opportunities that a new year can bring. My one shy child will start kindergarten. Maybe, just maybe, he'll decide to talk to his teacher before the year is out. He had the same teacher when he was in nursery and then as a Sunbeam in Primary. It was about two years before he would talk to her. About the time he decided he would talk to her, the class got a new teacher. He didn't want to go anymore. He does not like change. The oldest has a fairly heavy schedule. It will definitely be a challenging year for him. I'm encouraged after meeting their teachers. I think it will be a good year.

For myself, I'm looking forward to some alone time. Quiet time. Although I don't know how quiet it will be. I have quite a bit of work planned. I'm working on dresses for a wedding that happens in the middle of October. I have projects that I haven't gotten to finish. I've got Christmas projects. Seminary lessons to prepare. Garden and outdoor ideas that I've wanted to work on. I think I'll be busy enough.

On the other hand, I will miss my kids. When we were homeschooling I thought we would always homeschool. I thought I would have more time with them. I like the people that my children are becoming. I like the diversity of their personalities. I like watching them. I suspect there will be times that I miss the chaos. Well, maybe not too much.

I will worry about them. I will worry that I haven't done enough or that I haven't adequately prepared them for the day or for life. Will they miss me? Will my kindergarten boy cry? How will my middle son navigate middle school? How will the oldest two navigate high school and junior high? For the most part I believe that they can handle themselves. Mostly I think they will be fine. However, there is always that one tiny bit that can't quite let go of the fact that these are my babies. These are the once little ones that I held and loved and cared for. Not that I don't still love and care for them. That doesn't go away but the nature of the caring changes and the love deepens. Love means there comes a point when you turn your children loose on the world and hope for the best.

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the Monzingo clan. Tomorrow is the first day in a long time that I will be on my own. Soon enough my tomorrow will include saying a good-bye as my oldest and then the next one and so on leave for missions and college and life. I don't know what will happen then. It will be a constant flow of change. I don't know how I will react. I hope gracefully. I think we all of us will be OK. Well. Mostly.

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