Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Hope Springs Eternal

As I walked past my little garden this morning, I noticed a large, beautiful bloom on the squash. It filled me with such joy. I am admittedly not the best gardener in the world. Plants come here to die. One of my problems is that I am overly ambitious. I have a grand design in my head. I try to do more than I can and it all dies. Although enough of them live that I keep trying. Eventually, something will thrive. Eventually, I will have the garden paradise that I dream about. Eventually.

It is understandable then how my hope soars when I see a bloom on my garden plants. Something is going to grow. Something will live. It is wonderful and miraculous. Not only is the squash growing, but the tomatoes are looking healthy. Tasty tomatoes fresh from the garden. My mouth is watering in anticipation. Please, please, please don't die.

Do you know how many synonyms there are for 'hope'? Each one conveys a different message. Utopia, pipe dream, achievement, expectation, faith. These are just a few. Those who know my gardening disability may say that my dream of a garden paradise is a fool's fancy. But I tend to look at it with optimism. It is an aspiration.

Hope can be devastating. But only when it seems unfulfilled. Maybe hope is not to blame, but our impatience for the desired outcome. I reflect on a conference talk by Henry B. Eyring. He reminded us that the Lord's time is not our time.

"Although His time is not our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises."

I hold on to that when I feel anxious over the smaller things, like success in my garden or larger things, like when is Kermit going to finally get enough work. Most importantly, I realize that the Lord is eager to bless us. Those blessings just don't always come in the way or the time that we expect. I do have hope for the future. I know that everything will be OK in the present. In the meantime, I'll just keep watering and weeding.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Bluebonnets, Monkeys and Ambien, Oh My!

My mother has been visiting. We've been looking forward to this for quit some time. Now she is here. I had forgotten that she was going to be bringing a few of Gramma's things. When she arrived she was enthusiastically greeted by the children and the dogs. Sarah ran inside to report after she saw all that was loaded into the vehicle.

"Mommy! Franny is moving in. She brought her furniture!"

In reality she only brought three pieces: a small sewing table, a vanity and a jewelry cabinet. I supposed that could look like a lot to a 7-year-old. I've found just the right spot for the jewelry cabinet. I'm fairly certain I know where the sewing table will go. The vanity table is creating more problems. Of course, all the girls want it. It's just been hanging out in the living room the past couple of days. Sarah and Elizabeth both spend time primping. Sarah might spend just a little bit more time. I don't know where it is going to go, but I better figure it out soon or there is going to be some contention.

We spent most of Saturday at the Ft. Worth Zoo. The younger two had never been to the zoo. This, of course, is a check in my 'bad mom' column. I have no idea how it is that I've never taken those two little ones to the zoo. Everyone of the kids had an idea of what they wanted to see right then, right now. This meant that we had about six different opinions on which way to go and no one was going to be happy until we got to their desired spot. This also means that we did a considerable amount of criss-crossing. (Is that a word?) I'm not sure how far we actually walked but it felt like about 50 million miles. I was so tired. Everybody was tired. And slightly cranky. Not TOO cranky. We did after all have a fun day at the zoo. It was a good tired.

After watching the animals all day we got to watch my mother after taking Ambien. I've heard stories about how people act after Ambien. She's very lucid. She doesn't say anything crazy. But she does eat. And eat. And eat. It certainly explains her smaller appetite during the day.

This evening we spent some time finding just the right patch of bluebonnets for pictures. It hasn't been a banner year for bluebonnets, but we were able to find a fairly nice spot. Poor Kermit was not too excited. He never is about pictures. I so appreciate that he puts up with the hoopla. It is important to get family pictures.The kids are not always cooperative, but this time they did well. It may have been the novelty of crawling through a barbed wire fence to take pictures. They felt sneaky. I felt sneaky. I kept expecting to get kicked out or surprised by a cow.

Tomorrow she leaves for her home in Arkansas. The weekend has been too short. Living a state away from family I realize now how very lucky my siblings and I were to have grandparents that were close by. I spent a lot of time at my gramma's house. It was one of my favorite things. She was one of my favorite people. I miss that for my kids. That day to day interaction. I thought just about everything my gramma did was special and wonderful. Although the relationship is different, I think my kids feel the same way about their grandparents. There is always an abundance of enthusiasm when any of them visit.