Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Day Three

Today is the third day of school. This is the third day that I am home alone without any child. All day. Actually I can't say that this is the third day home alone. I haven't really been alone yet. Monday I spent the day with my brother. I'm not sure that was good for him. He needed to get work done and I was a great big distraction. This was the first chance I had to just talk to him without children around. Yesterday afternoon I went to visit a friend of mine. She is older and doesn't get out of the house much. I realized that I hadn't seen her in a bit and decided that it was a good time. We thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. Today will be visiting teaching in the morning and then doctor appointment for Hannah in the afternoon. Days have been full. I haven't really and truly been alone all day.

I don't know what that will feel like. Each day I send the kids off with feelings of excitement and trepidation. They are doing well and seem happy. Even my youngest, who is very shy, seems to like school. They are rowdy and tempers are a bit short when they get home. Still they are adjusting. I worry when they leave and I worry about them during the day. I don't worry ALL day. But I think about them. I enjoy the quiet in the morning. There are times when I miss the noise. When you have six kids there is a constant hum in the house. If the house is quiet it means something is wrong. So there are times in my quiet house when I start to feel uneasy. I know it is because I am trained to look for the disaster that usually follows such silence.

I enjoy the peace. I like that I can get to some of those projects (like writing) that I have been putting off. I greatly appreciate that I don't have to keep telling my older boys "Get OFF the computer/PS3!"

I miss working together. I miss listening to them. I love to sit and listen to them play and interact together. Some of their conversations are fascinating. Some of the stories they come up with (especially the youngest two) as they imagine play are fantastic.

I do think I appreciate them more. My children are wonderful

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Only Constant

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Tomorrow is the first day that ALL six of my children will be at school. I'm not sure I think or how I feel about this. In the first place I feel so many seemingly conflicting things.

On the one hand I am excited. I'm excited for them and the opportunities that a new year can bring. My one shy child will start kindergarten. Maybe, just maybe, he'll decide to talk to his teacher before the year is out. He had the same teacher when he was in nursery and then as a Sunbeam in Primary. It was about two years before he would talk to her. About the time he decided he would talk to her, the class got a new teacher. He didn't want to go anymore. He does not like change. The oldest has a fairly heavy schedule. It will definitely be a challenging year for him. I'm encouraged after meeting their teachers. I think it will be a good year.

For myself, I'm looking forward to some alone time. Quiet time. Although I don't know how quiet it will be. I have quite a bit of work planned. I'm working on dresses for a wedding that happens in the middle of October. I have projects that I haven't gotten to finish. I've got Christmas projects. Seminary lessons to prepare. Garden and outdoor ideas that I've wanted to work on. I think I'll be busy enough.

On the other hand, I will miss my kids. When we were homeschooling I thought we would always homeschool. I thought I would have more time with them. I like the people that my children are becoming. I like the diversity of their personalities. I like watching them. I suspect there will be times that I miss the chaos. Well, maybe not too much.

I will worry about them. I will worry that I haven't done enough or that I haven't adequately prepared them for the day or for life. Will they miss me? Will my kindergarten boy cry? How will my middle son navigate middle school? How will the oldest two navigate high school and junior high? For the most part I believe that they can handle themselves. Mostly I think they will be fine. However, there is always that one tiny bit that can't quite let go of the fact that these are my babies. These are the once little ones that I held and loved and cared for. Not that I don't still love and care for them. That doesn't go away but the nature of the caring changes and the love deepens. Love means there comes a point when you turn your children loose on the world and hope for the best.

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the Monzingo clan. Tomorrow is the first day in a long time that I will be on my own. Soon enough my tomorrow will include saying a good-bye as my oldest and then the next one and so on leave for missions and college and life. I don't know what will happen then. It will be a constant flow of change. I don't know how I will react. I hope gracefully. I think we all of us will be OK. Well. Mostly.