Got this gem for Mother's Day yesterday. Thank you, Monty and Agnes.
BLESSED ART THOU MOTHER
Blessed art thou woman,
For thou shalt be called Mother.
Yea, and thy chores and thy tasks
Shall follow thee all the days
Of thy life.
And thou shalt eat the bread
Of thine own baking and
Thou shalt dwell forever in a
Dirty house if thou doest not choose
To clean it thyself.
Thou shalt arise before the cock
Croweth and thou shalt say unto
Thine self, “Where are the offspring
Which were given me? Yea, and the sun
Has risen high in the sky and the
Hour is getting late; wherefore, I
Have been long at my labors.”
And thou shalt go and find thy
Offspring prostrate on their cot.
And thou shalt say unto them, “Haste,
Arise and shine, for I have many labors for thee
To perform, wherefore, I have
Been many hours already preparing the way.”
And thine offspring shall linger in sleep
And shall say unto thee, “Thou didst
Not watch the late, late, late show
As I did last night and mine eyes are
Heavy and mine bones acheth.”
And thou shalt say unto thy offspring,
“Get thee up from thy cot
Ere I lay hand upon thee
And go ye hither and scrub a
Sparkling tub, for thou has left black rings upon
And thy offspring shall say unto thee,
“I will go and do thy bidding, ….in a minute.”
And thy rage shall know no end
And thou shalt weep and wail
And gnash thy teeth mightily.
Nevertheless; thou shalt scrub
A sparkling tub thyself and glory
Shall be added unto thee, for thou didst
Not strike the lazy beast.
Thou art blessed above all others
And thy descendants shall call thee
Blessed, for thou prepares a table before them.
Thou cookest meat and all manner of
Tasty vittles, and they shall sit at the
Table with thee and partake with thee.
And they shall add glory to thy crown
For they shall let thee also wash the
Dishes, if thou wilt.
And when the night falleth, thou shalt be pooped.
And thy offspring shall say of thee,
“She is an old woman wherefore
She neither goes dancing, nor does she
Watch the late, late, late show.”
Thy art and thy craft shall make thee
Called on and thou shalt labor at
Many tasks in the kingdom for whosoever
Asketh, thou do his bidding.
Thy back shall acheth with arthritis
Thy cane and thy husband
Shall be thy support.
Thy veins shall be varicose
In thy aching legs but thou shalt
Do thy labor with a smile, neither
Shalt thou gripe for in the day
That thou doest, thy name shall be mud.
Nevertheless, thou art blessed for
Thou art crowned with the angels
On the second Sunday of May on each
And every year.
Wherefore thou shalt be blessed above
All others for thou art Mother
And thou shalt find peace and joy in
Thy offspring forever and ever,
If thou endureth to the end!