The Value of Time

We are all going to die.  It's just a thing that happens. To everyone. We can't avoid it. Some try, but it is inevitable. That's OK. It is as it should be. Out time on the earth is limited and therefore, is precious. Some might even say our time is the most precious, the most valuable thing we have.

So, why do we waste it? 

I've squandered many an hour on frivolous activities (or non-activities). One of my favorites is video games. Plants vs Zombies. Bloons Tower Defence. Candy Crush. Any word game. I especially like to play them when the TV is on. Two marvelous time wasters sucking up my minutes. In small doses neither of these things is bad. I seem to not be able to judge a small dose. I would sit down for what I told myself was just a moment and the next thing I knew my day was gone. 

Two weeks ago I decided to make a change. I deleted all games off my phone and laptop. The only exception was a couple of games that required more than one participant. Heads Up is still good. Anything I can play by myself is gone.  

This is what I have noticed. It has been surprisingly hard. Every time I sit down I feel the urge to play. It is too hard to just sit without some sort of activity. In the daylight hours when I have sufficient light I will work on one of my many sewing projects. However, it is not usual for me to sit during daylight hours. Too much to do. Evening is hardest. It is difficult to just sit. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I will scroll through Pinterest. Not sure if that is better, but it feels slightly more righteous. Mostly, I've just tried to be in the moment. One activity at a time. If we are watching a movie, then I'm going to watch the movie. We've had a few more game nights. The kids get bored with just watching and want to do something interactive. We play board games or card games. In the future, I plan on dedicating more time to completing family history research. 

I may decide that I can include video games into my life again. First I think I'll see how long I can go without. 

Unto Thyself Be True

A friend posted this on Facebook. It really struck a chord with me.

What does it mean to be yourself? Your true self? Can it be achieved in a lifetime? Is it something we can diagnose ourselves? Or do we need outside forces to help us see accurately?

I once told a friend that I had every intention of growing up to be an eccentric old lady. He replied that I only lacked the growing old part. I've been called weird, odd, shy, quiet, chatty, intelligent, know-it-all, judgemental, kind, among other things. The labels don't bother me, but sometimes they surprise me. I think I'm rather ordinary. It is a revelation to hear otherwise.

I've never cared too much about what other people thought of me. Even in high school when we all are hyper-concerned about peer opinions, I was not too fussed about it. Well, let me amend that. I was not overly worried about what most people thought. I did have a core group of very, very good friends. Their opinions mattered. Their opinions could matter because they accepted and maybe even appreciated my quirks. It is a precious gift to find friends who love you as you are.

I've come to believe that the most accurate, most important view of ourselves comes from Heavenly Father. We can learn to see ourselves as He does. It takes time. Sometimes a lifetime. That's OK. It's OK if you don't quite know yourself yet. You will.

It's Probably Nothing

"It's probably nothing."

Those are the words the doctors used.

"It's probably nothing but we want to make sure."

First the physicians assistant at the well check. Then the junior dermatologist and then the senior dermatologist.

Today was Jacob's second appointment at the dermatologists. They were taking a biopsy of the worrisome mole. We didn't even know it was a problem until the PA saw it.

It's probably nothing. Except at this moment it is something. It probably is nothing, but I cannot make the worry section of my brain be completely quite. I can't quite calm the "What if it is something" thought.

'Nothings' have a nasty way of turning into 'somethings'. Nothings do not care that my boy is happy and helpful. Or that he is unfailingly polite. Or that he mostly does his chores without having to be asked (except for cleaning his room). Nothings do not care that he makes up jokes that are only funny to him.. That he doesn't like to brush his teeth or take a bath. That he loves Minecraft and Plants vs Zombies. Nothings do not care that he was the 2nd place reader at Philips Elementary. Or that he is only 10. Or that we love him.


It's probably nothing. But I'm going to treat him to Panda Express and let him play on the Playstation as long as he wants today. And then I'm going to hold my breath until test results come in.

There's a House in the Road

Sometimes you can have a lovely morning. Peaceful, even. Well, almost peaceful. In this house it is nearly impossible to achieve total peace. Nevertheless, it was a good morning. The kids even got the Expedition converted from work vehicle to family vehicle without having to be told. And then we started the drive to church.

There was a house on the road. On the road that was the quickest there was a house blocking the way. This is not a common occurrence, but not unheard of when one lives in the country. It's always a good idea to have an alternate route. We went a different, slightly longer way. That was not a good idea. There was a traffic jam. On Sunday. On the highway. We eventually found a way around but our usual 25 minute trip was doubled. I did not arrive remotely peaceful. That did change. It could not help but change. It was a testimony meeting.

Sometimes our familiar path is blocked and the alternate is not any better. What do we do? Just keep moving. The goodness will come. Maybe in 50 minutes. Maybe in 50 years. One of the quotes from conference that seemed pertinent today "Success isn't the absence of failure, but going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm."

I may not be very good at maintaining my enthusiasm, Persistence. I can be persistent. (Kermit calls it stubbornness. But I'm trying to be kind to myself.) When I can't quite make it to enthusiastic, at very least I know where I can find solace. With a healthy dose of solace I can regain my equilibrium and move forward.

There is a house on the road I want to travel. I'm certain there is a life metaphor here. Something about obstacles. Could be a house or traffic or, since we are in the country, a cow. Maybe some days none of the roads are good. We just have to keep moving forward. And if we arrive at the end a little frazzled and battered and bruised, it's OK. There will be Someone at the end who knows how to heal that.

Day 2

I have discoverd that the hard day is the day after the child leaves. This is the first day I did not see or hear from my daughter. No text to let me know where she was. No grumpy wake-up. No hug. She spent so much time out of the house it wouldn't seem to make that much difference. But it does. It could also be the 10 second phone call to let us know she had arrived safely. Kermit said she sounded a bit weepy. I hate that.

How Are You Feeling, Mom?

How are you feeling?

This is the question I have been getting almost constantly since Hannah decided to join the US Marine Corps. "How are you feeling?" comes with a lot of meanings and undertones. Some are really concerned for my well-being. Some are curious, maybe not sure how they would react in similar circumstance. Some are trying to reassure themselves. "How are you feeling?" is almost always well-meant.

The truth is I am fine. My daughter is amazing. During her senior year of high school she put a lot of thought into what she would do with herself after graduation. Just about every week there was a new plan. About two weeks before graduation she mentioned that she has talked to a recruiter. That conversation evolved into a strong desire and then a resolve to join the Marines. Through all this I knew (and have always known) that whatever she decided to do, Hannah Monzingo would be fantastic.

This particular path was a small surprise, and then again it was not. We have strived to raise independent, responsible, service-minded human beings. It cannot be a true surprise that once the children grow to adulthood they choose to serve, whether it is in the mission field or in the military.

How am I feeling?

I am proud of her decision to serve. I am confident in her ability to do well. I am joyful with her happiness. My Hannah is dynamic and resilient and intelligent and strong and caring. While we were not tear-free at parting, I cannot feel sad. My baby bird has learned to fly. Now she has the opportunity to soar.

A Little More Gratitude

I think I'm going to have to accept that I'm not going to get to all 30 "days" of gratitude. I found it too late. But I will share a few more before I move on to a different theme.

What place are you most grateful for? 
This one is easy to answer. Home. I am grateful for home. My home is not fancy, the kitchen sink drips, the shower in the back bathroom leaks, the carpet is terrible, the cabinets are cheap and the electrical wiring has issues. With all it's problems, it is home. I am grateful to even have a home. I suppose I would be grateful for any place that my family could gather. That is really what home is. Family.

What talent or skill are you grateful for?
I have several talents. I am most grateful for creativity. I think it is innate in all of us. Sometimes we only appreciate creativity in the arts. That is what is most visible. Creativity helps us to solve problems. Daily. It is as useful in designing a new costume or figuring out how to get kids to all their various activities.

What small thing today are you grateful for? 
I got a short nap after I got the kids off to school. It was glorious.

What knowledge are you grateful for?
I am grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God loves us. Families are forever. We can be like Him.

This is by no means an end to gratitude. We can give thanks every day. I try to live thankfully. Thankfulness leads to the next theme. Light the world. 25 ways to try live like the Savior.

https://youtu.be/P_VRN7hcL_8